Every child is an experiment of one. You’d think that would at least mean that after weeks and months and years, you’d get to know your child. You’d think wrong, at least in my case.
It seems as though I’m slow on the learn-to-parent spectrum. Every situation feels like a toss-up to me.
Take July 4, for example. In a previous post, I explained that my son and I had a lovely time at the July 4 block party and potluck in our neighborhood. Now I’ll explain why I bought my son a doughnut before a potluck, why I made the decision, and whether it was the right one.
Spoiler alert: Probably not.
Setting the Scene
For days, my son and I had been fighting. Actually, it had been months, but it was more intense that week. It’s not unusual; I think he’s so well-behaved at school and with other people that he needs to balance it with some meltdowns in a comfortable setting. Since I’m his only parent, I get the full force of his anger.
That morning, there was a July 4 event at the local park. It’s casual, and includes watermelon, doughnuts, and corn dogs from the local Homeowners Association. Community police also come and let kids climb into their cars.
After a rough week, I didn’t have it in me to force my son to get ready to go. I have that battle with him every morning to get out the door, and every evening to get ready for bed. I didn’t want to force him to get ready for a party, so I told him to let me know when he was ready to go.
The Party Was Over
We left our home at 12:30 p.m. Needless to say, the park was all but deserted. We probably missed the end of the event by over an hour.
My son started saying that he’s a failure and can’t get anywhere on time. When he thinks he’s failed, my son tends to build himself into a state. Failure becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. I couldn’t face another few hours of unpleasant behavior if I didn’t have to, so I did what any responsible parent would do: I offered to buy him a doughnut.
Rising to the Occasion?
I wasn’t worried about teaching my son that tantrums lead to doughnuts. He’s a great kid to everyone else, so I know that he’s going to turn out fine. Since I wasn’t worried about long-term repercussions, and I’d already had in my head that he was going to eat a doughnut that morning, so nutrition wasn’t a top concern, I became selfish at that moment. The offer of the doughnut was a Hail Mary, hoping it would buy me some nice moments.
I told him that it was fine that he missed the party, and he was happy doing whatever he’d been doing in our home instead of going to the party. I told him that if he needed that time to relax instead of going to the park, it was good he’d taken it. And, I told him that we could go get a red, white, and blue star-sprinkled doughnut.
Got What I Wanted
Shockingly, it worked. He instantly smiled, got excited, and offered to pay for the doughnut. We discussed the possibilities en route to the doughnut shop, and planned when and where we were going to eat it. He even said he was going to buy it for me!
As a bonus, going to get a doughnut meant we had to walk to the doughnut shop. That meant I got to take a longer walk than if we had just gone to the park and back.
The victory continued after we got home with the doughnut. My son got out a tray to serve it on, a knife, and two forks. He offered drinks, and we sat and ate the doughnut together. It was exactly what I wanted after a tough week.
Benefits of Healthy Food
I’m a nutritionist. I believe in healthy eating. Compared to less healthy choices, I know that more nutritious and portion-controlled choices can:
- Improve mood
- Maintain energy and blood sugar
- Reduce hunger
- Increase ability to focus and think
And that’s within a few minutes! Long-term, healthy eating helps with:
- Weight control
- Chronic disease prevention and management
- Reduction of stress and stress hormones
- Promotion of strong bones and muscles
- Nourish you
Junk food does the opposite.
When Junk Food Can Be the Answer
Knowing that healthy food has so many benefits, why would junk food ever be the “right” choice? For most of us, there’s a place for fried foods, fatty foods, sugary foods, and starchy foods. It’s not a place we should visit often, but there are times when the benefits may outweigh the drawbacks.
In this case, the doughnut wasn’t for physical nourishment. Neither my son nor I needed a ring of fried refined doughy carbs topped with sugary frosting. What I did need was some pleasant time together. The doughnut let me buy some beautiful time with my son, and even allowed him the chance to feel good about himself by serving us the doughnut when we got home.
There’s also the warning that it’s only okay to eat foods that your body can handle. If you have a chronic condition that prohibits certain foods, for example, or if your doctor tells you to avoid certain items, then stay within these restrictions!
Set Up for Success
My son and I both do better when we feel good about ourselves. We both do worse when we feel bad. As it turned out on July 4, he rose to the occasion and seized an opportunity to feel good about himself. He clearly felt good about being kind to me, taking charge of serving the doughnut, and acting pleasant while we ate.
What would you have done? Are there times when a bribe is okay? When is junk food an acceptable option compared to nutritious items?