Healthy Living Reality

Tag: friendship

  • A Birthday Celebration with an Old Friend Makes Me Grateful

    A Birthday Celebration with an Old Friend Makes Me Grateful

    We’ve been talking about routine days of mid-winter, and how to add healthy habits in diet and exercise, as well as family life, to those days. Here are some reflections about a weekend excursion that may not have included many nutrients or much exercise, but did focus on a wonderfully healthy social connection with a centenarian.

    A visit was long overdue, and a birthday celebration was the perfect reason to take her out. I can’t tell you which birthday she was celebrating; it might give her identity away. Yes, she’s that old, and she’s someone my son and I both value in our lives. She’s incredibly special, wise, funny, and giving. On a cloudy, mid-winter day, we went out for ice cream. Though the goal was to give her a treat, I am sure that got more out of the outing than I gave her.

    I Met Her and the “Gym Ladies” When She Was 87

    No joke. She was one of the “Gym Ladies.” When I met her, she had been working out with the other gym ladies for nearly 25 years. They are a fabulous bunch of women – interesting, kind, supportive, and wise. They would get on cardio machines next to each other and gab for 30, 60, or more minutes while working out. 

    They welcomed me with open arms. For years, we’d work out and talk together. We became good friends. They were the ones who threw me a baby shower when I was pregnant with my son. I stayed at the gym until it closed for COVID-19, and some of those women remain my closest friends.

    A Special Friendship with a Now-Centenarian

    This particular friend and I really hit it off. We have a lot in common, from political views to upbringing to sense of humor. We laughed our ways through years of workouts, but there was more. She’s insightful and understanding, too. Every time I came to her with a problem, she was able to see the bigger picture and offer some words of advice based on experience.

    I was always impressed by her life skills. She knew how to talk the cable company out of overcharging her, and how to get suspicious charges eliminated from her phone and wifi bills. She knew how to talk to people on the street or on the phone to avoid scams and get what she wanted. She was absolutely not a candidate for being a victim of scams against the elderly! 

    She’s a baby lover. She used to light up whenever she saw a baby or small child. If a parent had to bring a baby into the gym, she’d instantly get off her exercise machine to go to the baby. She couldn’t help it! 

    In fact, she popped into the hospital on the day my son was born. He was 6 hours old, I had gone through 31 hours of labor and a C-section, and she had the idea of dropping in on me that day! She brought another of the gym ladies, and those two have the honor, of course, of being my son’s oldest friends. 

    Centenarians are increasingly common in the U.S. The Census Bureau says that the number of centenarians, or people over 100 years old, increased from 53,364 in 2010 to 80,139 in 2020. That’s a 50% jump, and equivalent to about 2 in 10,000 people. My friend is among the 50% of female centenarians who live on their own. 

    Bringing Out the Best Side of My Son

    My son loves her as much as she loves him. She’s always made her home open to him and let him play with what he likes. He can feel her love, and he respects her. 

    On the Saturday two days before my friend’s birthday, my son and I came to pick her up at her house. He even washed his hands properly beforehand, knowing that he needs to be careful of her health. 

    She can walk just fine. Usually she uses a walker, but she asked my son to help her get to the car instead of using a walker. He rose to the occasion, being the perfect gentleman. Then he closed the door for her, folded the walker, and put it in the trunk. 

    A Casual Celebration to Be Thankful for

    We drove to the store where the ice cream shop was. Since she hadn’t been out for a while, I’d suggested we go to a supermarket where they sold ice cream scoops and had outdoor seating. We wandered around the store and then ordered ice cream – cookies and cream for all. Then we sat outside with the ice cream and chatted.

    Sometimes, health isn’t about the sugar and fat content. It’s about experiences and connections.

    The Secret to Longevity

    What’s the secret to longevity? Every centenarian has their own ideas. Drink wine. Don’t drink wine. Be active. Don’t be active. Eat a raw egg yolk every day. Take your vitamins. Stay away from supplements. Avoid red meat. Eat meat and potatoes. 

    The only things that are certain is that the proper genetics must be there, and no devastating accidents can occur.  

    In other words, there is not one formula for longevity, and especially for healthy aging. Here’s what I observe in my friend, though I can’t prove cause and effect. They may just be coincidences. 

    • Activity – She was a tomboy as a child, a mother of three, and a gym-goer until age 94.
    • Stubbornness – Don’t bother trying to persuade her otherwise if she has an idea about something.
    • Determination – If she was going to do it, she was going to do it. She told me that when she was a little girl, she didn’t tell her mother that she’d broken her ankle because she was afraid she’d get in trouble. She just walked herself to school like she did every morning. 
    • Resilience – She doesn’t let things drag her down. She looks forward. Maybe that came from her , but I suspect a lot of it is within her personality. 
    • Connection – She’s the one who taught me about Family Dinner on Wednesdays (I adopted that idea and my son and my parents and I have Family Lunch on Sundays). Plus, she maintains her friendships with the other Gym Ladies.

    If my son and I can learn anything from her, it may be to stay active, stay interested, and stay connected. The rest, we do the best we can. And, as she says, “Take it one day at a time.”

    Thank you, and Happy Birthday!

  • How to Stay Consistent with Fitness: Make Friends with 80-Year-Olds at the Gym

    How to Stay Consistent with Fitness: Make Friends with 80-Year-Olds at the Gym

    I’m not a very social person. Maybe I take after my dad. I’m happy to be by myself, and I usually find it tiring to be around people. It’s been like that for me since middle school. At the same time, though, I’ve always had a group of friends around me due to exercise. In middle school, high school, and college, my friends were my teammates. In graduate school, my friends were running partners. And for a decade after that, my friends were my gym friends. 

    Here’s the story of how I met my gym friends and why they are such a special group for which I will always be grateful.

    A Lucky Meeting

    I had never been regular at a gym, though I’ve always been active. I joined a gym in 2012 to take advantage of the classes they offered, but didn’t plan to do much more than attend one or two dance or aerobics classes a week. It was a women’s gym, though that’s not why I joined. It was affordable and within biking distance, and had a good class schedule for me.

    When I had mild plantar fasciitis one day, I had to cut my run short. I headed to the gym to use the elliptical machine, and that’s when I met “them.” “They” were a group of ladies, aged about 55 to 87, who had been working out together for over 20 years. There was one “young” lady who was only 35, and who had been with them for about 5 years. 

    A Warm Welcome from the Gym Ladies

    They were the gym ladies. , and they welcomed me warmly. They let me into their “group” and introduced me to everyone. They explained the birthday protocol – each lady was responsible for bringing cupcakes to the gym on another lady’s birthday – and told me the lady for whom I was responsible, and the date of her birthday. 

    These ladies had met each other at the gym. Most of them would not have met each other anywhere else. They were a diverse group, including working and retired teachers, a bank teller, a real estate agent (who ended up selling me my home), a saleswoman, a beautician, an entertainer, a president and founder of a non-profit, and some stay-at-home moms (one of whom now works with me). There were parents of children ranging from 5 years old to 65 years old.  They inspired each other to keep showing up at the gym each morning.

    A row of dreadmills becomes less dreadful when you have friends on either side!

    I hadn’t intended to continue using the gym on a daily basis once my plantar fasciitis cleared up. I’d planned to go back to once or twice-weekly dance fitness classes. But the joy of having a whole new group of friends

    An Always Honest and Open Group!

    Though they were among the most consistent and probably fit people of their age, they never pretended that it was easy to come to the gym. The standard response to, “Good morning! How are you?” was, “I’m here.” That might expand into, “I’m doing my best,” “It’s tougher than usual today,” or, “One day at a time.” 

    But instead of that feeling negative, it felt real. We knew we were working hard to be at the gym. From scheduling the time to actually coming, it’s a real effort to work out each day. And that’s where friendship comes in. 

    A Decade Working Out with My “Gym Friends”

    We were each other’s “gym friends.” We welcomed each other, texted or phone when someone was an unexpected no-show at the gym that morning, and were completely open with each other. 

    We’d take machines next to each other whenever possible. We’d have a whole row of ellipticals, or be in smaller groups on the bikes or treadmills. It didn’t matter that a 30-something-year-old (me) was next to an 80-something-year-old. We could chat and work out together. 

    We talked about everything and nothing. What else do you talk about when you’re “stuck” on a gym machine for 30, 60, or 90 minutes? You have time to talk deeply about anything! Since it was a women’s-only gym, we felt comfortable talking loudly, often loudly enough to annoy most of the other women who were present. (In our defense, anyone was welcome to join the conversation…)

    We worked out, laughed, and helped each other at the gym and in life.

    There was no pressure put on our friendships. We accepted each other and looked forward to seeing each other at the gym. We might see one or two of each other outside of the gym occasionally, but there was no requirement. We knew we’d get to see each other at the gym the next morning to start the day off right. You could get a hug if you were down, or a hug if you needed to celebrate. We were there for each other. 

    Continued Friendships After a Decade with the Gym Ladies

    I was able to take advantage of our daily chit-chats and workouts for nearly a decade, until 2020. I learned so much from these women. They shared their wisdom with me, and I learned about acceptance, advice, support, and so many other qualities that these kind people learned through life lessons and were generous enough to share with me. I learned that very different people can benefit from being around each other and listening to each other.

    The gym closed when COVID-19 hit, and then permanently closed due to bankruptcy. By the end of COVID-19, my habits had again changed, and I’d returned to running and biking on my own, perfectly content fitness-wise. 

    But many gym friendships continued. I stay in touch with many of the ladies on a daily, weekly, or monthly basis by phone. I speak with others more sporadically. Every so often, I meet one or another of them somewhere around town, like a market, park, or home. 

    We’re all grateful for those years at the gym and for each other. Some joined new gyms after COVID-19. Others, like me, developed different habits – hikes, classes on Zoom, mall walks, park walks. Some are too old to work out daily anymore – getting to 100 years old while in shape to be self-sufficient is already terribly impressive to me! 

    I am grateful to have met this group of women. I don’t miss working out at the gym, but I do miss the daily chats. Sometimes really great things happen in life, and that gym was one of them for me.

    Which friends and lessons do you truly value?