There are times when my son says he’s hungry, and it doesn’t seem possible. This might happen after he’s already eaten a lot that day or at that meal. It also tends to happen when he knows there’s a treat around, such as if we’re at an event where food is sold or provided.
Keep reading to find out how I respond to it. As with everything else in parenting and most things in life, I never know if I’m approaching it in the best way. Please post your suggestions and ideas in the comments!
Avoiding Conflict for Health’s Sake
My first thought is that he can’t possibly be hungry. My instinct is to say so, and explain why I believe that he’s not really hungry. I suppress my instinct because I don’t think it’s the right answer to directly disagree with him.
If I tell him he’s not hungry, I’m:
- Telling him that I don’t believe him. That’s not how I want our relationship to work; I want him to know that I’m here for him for anything.
- Suggesting that he shouldn’t listen to what his body is telling him. That’s an unhealthy route, since listening carefully to your body, and responding appropriately, can lead to better lifestyle choices and health.
I try not to disagree with him. Instead, I try to figure out why he says he’s hungry, and address it appropriately. Here are some patterns that I’ve detected, and how I respond to each.
Hungry for Nutrients
I start by assuming that it’s as simple as it appears: that my son is hungry. For some reason, there are days when he just needs more food. Maybe it’s a growth spurt. Maybe he’s been active. Maybe he hadn’t eaten enough in the past few days.
To see if that’s the case, I offer him healthy foods. They’re foods he likes, but not as much as something like shaved ice or cupcakes. Tomatoes, a tangerine or orange, or a low-fat string cheese stick are likely options.
A Craving Triggered By Availability
Environmental triggers can cause cravings, perceived hunger, and snack attacks in kids just like in adults. My son tends to “be hungry” when he wants a bag of chips at a birthday party or notices an ice cream truck at the park.
I’m generally good at identifying these triggers, but managing them is another story. I tend to say yes at birthday parties or other events where his friends are eating those foods. The goal is to prevent him from feeling different from his friends or feeling deprived. I also want him to know that those foods are available to him; he doesn’t have to sneak them and not tell me.
At other times, it depends on the situation. If he’s had a lot of junk recently and it seems like overkill, the answer is no. Sometimes the “no” will come with a “maybe next time” or, “let’s buy something similar at a store.” That’s a common one for ice cream truck fare; I’d rather pay $3 for a box of frozen novelties than $4 for one serving.
If it seems reasonable, it can be his daily serving of junk food, which he mostly gets to choose. Sometimes he offers to pay for it; in those cases, I usually say yes. That gives him control over his money and decisions, and avoids a tantrum (are you seeing a pattern here?).
Maybe He’s Just Trying His Luck…
Sometimes, it seems like he just needs something to do, wants attention, or is just curious about what he can get away with. It often seems as though he wants me to say no just so that he can fight it or feel comfortable knowing that there are rules.
So, the first response is an offer of a healthy snack and water. Then I try to distract his attention. If I don’t have much time, such as while I am working and can’t give him my full attention, I try to satisfy him with a snack, say, a bowl of watermelon or a container of grape tomatoes. He’s also easily amused by pouring beverages over ice cubes. Thankfully, he often manages to get involved in an activity by the time he’s done eating or playing with his food or drink.
Water Can Never Hurt
I also offer him water. Adults often mistake thirst for hunger, so children might, too. Even if not, it can’t be a bad habit to drink water throughout the day. So, I try to offer water routinely in response to unexpected hunger.
What If Kids Aren’t Hungry?
I’ve seen parents pressure their children to eat when they say they’re not hungry. Parents often seem to be terrified that their children don’t eat enough, but in most cases, it doesn’t seem healthy to me to force children to eat.
I worry about these effects.
- The child ends up with junk food in that moment because the parent has decided that they need to eat anything to avoid starving.
- The child learns that their parents are so desperate for them to eat, that they can hold out for junk food all the time.
- As with telling a child that he’s not hungry even if he says is, arguing that they’re hungry when they say they’re not encourages them to ignore their body’s signals.
- Similarly, arguing with them plants the seed that you don’t believe them.
Very few children in the US are at risk of starvation. If you believe your child is, it’s critical that you take them to a qualified healthcare provider for evaluation and treatment.
Here are some tips for parents who are convinced their children are in need of food when they say they’re not hungry.
- Have set meal times. That way, you can eat with them and encourage them to eat. Sitting at the table also reduces the chances of kids being distracted and playing games.
- Keep the food healthy. Serve healthy food, and eat healthy food yourself. That makes healthy food something normal rather than a punishment or chore.
- Don’t start a food fight. It’s as bad to fight over forcing them to eat than over stopping them from eating treats.
- Consider asking a healthcare provider about any deficiencies. Often, a daily multivitamin and mineral supplement can calm a parent’s nerves.
- If it makes you feel better, consider offering a protein shake or meal replacement shake that’s fortified with nutrients and has fiber. A glass of milk does well, too, for protein and calcium.
Hunger management is tough for everyone. Kids usually have a better handle on their hunger than adults, but they can have trouble expressing themselves. With their dear parents, they can also be manipulative or have underlying goals.
How do you respond to, “I’m hungry,” when you’re not sure if it’s true?
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