Healthy Living Reality

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  • Why My 8-Year-Old Has Tantrums at Home (But Acts Perfect at School)

    This is a more serious post than some. It’s about a child who’s nearly perfect outside the home, and just as imperfect inside our home. It’s about a parent (me) who doesn’t know what to do about it, and can’t stand it anymore. Here’s where things stand. 

    Preschool Meltdowns Seemed Extreme But Explicable

    Since preschool, my son has had afterschool meltdowns. It made sense back then. He’s naturally a loud child, and used to being in charge. He’s a natural leader, with tons of creativity and ideas for play. 

    He turned off those characteristics in preschool. For the first year or so, nobody there even knew he could talk, even though he didn’t stop talking at home. He told me and my parents that he “turned off his voice” at school.

    Being in school for hours must have been a lot of effort for him. Though unpleasant for me, the daily meltdowns after preschool seemed appropriate for the situation and his age. And, he usually got over them after minutes or hours. 

    A Balance of Angelic Student and Devilish Son

    But the afterschool trouble has continued. In a Jekyll and Hyde-like situation, my son remains something of a model student and even community member. He has perfect attendance for the last two years. He’s never missed an assignment. Teachers, family friends, and other parents tell me that he’s helpful and polite. “Easygoing” is another description that I commonly hear.

    After school can be a totally different story. While I do get to enjoy my son’s delightful company for weeks or even months at a time, there are many more multi-month periods when I am the object of aggression, anger, and frustration. 

    Understandable Outbursts Have Turned Excessive

    I understand that my son needs an outlet for everything that he’s holding in during the school day. He’s an active, loud child. School demands the opposite from him, so he must need to balance it out somehow. 

    I understand that it’s natural for children to give their parents their worst behavior. It’s probably a positive sign; he feels safe letting it out to me. Since I’m a single parent, he has nobody else to blame, yell at, or hit.

    But now my son is 8. He’s in third grade. Isn’t it time to stop hitting, pushing, and knocking chairs over at the slightest provocation, or even unprovoked? Today, he accidentally dropped his crayons on the floor of his room and started yelling at me for being annoying. Then he threw them away. He does things like that; it scares me because it feels like it could be a path to self-harm.

    When I joined him in his room to make his bed and help with the crayons, he pushed me into the wall (as bad luck would have it, it was a corner that was sticking out and I can feel my back and shoulder developing into injuries that may take weeks or months to heal), yelled at me for being annoying, and slammed the door as he left his room. 

    Uncontrolled anger seems cuter and more appropriate in toddlers than in third-graders.

    Side note: I called 988 crisis help line. It was my second time. They’ve been very pleasant people both times, but haven’t been able to offer relevant resources. Still, it is nice to at least have someone to call.

    When an Older Child’s Tantrums Turn Aggressive and Disruptive 

    When an older child is violent, it can lead to injury and property damage. My son is strong. He always has been. Though he only weighs about 60 pounds, for example, he can carry paving stones that I (a middle-aged, basically in-shape woman) can’t. He has the ability to hurt me, and he does. 

    When he gets worked up, it can take hours of hands-on effort to not get hurt or let things get damaged. That time is time that I can never get back. It comes from work time, family time, or leisure time.

    Chronic Anger Punctuated by Tantrums

    It’s not just tantrums that get me down, though they’re the most dramatic. It’s the days, weeks, and even months at a time that can pass without anything but negativity from him. There’s anger and rudeness. It’s not even that bad, except that there are no breaks. There can be months in which he doesn’t say or do one nice thing to me, from answering when I say good-night to acknowledging a plate of food in front of him (yes, I set the bar low).

    Though the anger isn’t as painful as injuries, it’s still exhausting. It does get me down. 

    He says everything is going great at school; the first day was “the best day ever,” and he loves his teacher. 

    Home Behavior in Children: What’s Normal, What’s Not

    If I tell other parents about my troubles, they first nod and say it’s normal; their children also have outbursts or attitudes. But if I get to specifics – say, throwing a chair against a wall, giving me a mild concussion last summer from a door incident, or a back injury from early July due to needing to get him out of my parents’ house, the tone of the conversation changes. It doesn’t sound normal anymore. 

    Something Needs to Change

    8 year old tantrums at home may be okay, but violence and constant rudeness are not. I’ve hesitated to seek professional help so far because I don’t want to get my child labeled as a problem child. Also, I don’t want to interrupt his school trajectory – he’s doing great and loves school, and isn’t that supposed to be important? 

    I know my son has some degree of deliberate, conscious decision-making. He sometimes loses control during his older child tantrums, but he often does have the ability to stop if he hears about a reward. Between that and the fact that he acts right around other people, I know that he can control himself if he chooses.

    But is it time to get help for child aggression? Why are older child tantrums happening? I’m at a loss. I don’t know how to help him without risking changing his angelic school behavior, but I can’t keep living in pain and fear.

  • We Tried Grocery Delivery from Amazon Fresh – Free Trial!

    Everyone seems to use Amazon nowadays, but are you familiar with Amazon Fresh? It’s Amazon’s brick and mortar grocery store. There are only 64 locations nationwide, but they’re strategically placed and are increasing in number. I got a free trial. Here’s how it’s going (hint: I’m using the service a lot!).

    Free Trial Offer During Amazon Prime Days

    Amazon Prime Days occur during July each year. During this year’s event, I took advantage of an offer for a free three-month trial of free grocery delivery for orders over $25 from Amazon Fresh. I don’t usually sign up for trial offers because I’m afraid I will have trouble cancelling them, but Amazon makes it easy. I’ve never had trouble navigating their subscription services and cancelling on time. 

    There’s an app for that! Now, it’s Amazon Fresh and free grocery delivery!

    Delivery and In-Store Shopping and Pick-Up Options

    Anyone can shop in Amazon Fresh stores. Amazon Prime members receive special discounts, similar to other supermarket chain’s membership cards that entitle you to lower prices. Prime members also get free grocery pickup on orders over a certain amount.

    Grocery delivery is only free for Prime members on orders over $100. Less than that, and it’ll cost you at least $9.95 for grocery delivery. You can choose from 2-hour and 1-hour delivery windows. For quicker delivery, you can opt to pay more.

    To get grocery delivery on orders over $25, you can sign up for their grocery delivery service. It’s about $10 per month, depending on whether you pay for a full year or monthly, and whether you have any other special discounts. 

    The Expected Benefit: Convenience Without a Car

    The convenience of Amazon Fresh grocery delivery service is wonderful for my household. We don’t own a car, so it is nice to have groceries delivered to our front doorstep. I get most of my food through Walmart Plus InHome for most groceries, and through frequent walks to a nearby ethnic store for produce. 

    My son can eat an astonishing amount of watermelon, making Amazon Fresh delivery service especially convenient for us.

    With Amazon Fresh, I’ve been able to get watermelons regularly this summer. They’re something I prefer not to get from Walmart, as quality varies, and they’re too heavy to carry home from a supermarket. They’ve been excellent, and my son loves having so much watermelon. 

    It’s also been nice having narrow delivery windows. When I can schedule a delivery within a 1 or 2-hour window, it’s far easier for me to order frozen foods. Other services often have a four-hour delivery window.

    The App Works, But Not Perfectly

    Finally, the app works, just like you’d expect from Amazon. It’s easy to navigate. And, when you load coupons to your wallet, it’s a seamless process and the discounts appear as they should when you’re checking out.

    A drawback is that I’ve been unable to edit my order after checking out, even though it says I should be able to. Somehow, it won’t save my changes, so I’m in effect unable to make changes.

    An Amazon Benefit: Dependability

    Amazon has fabulous customer service, and their grocery delivery service has been consistent with that pattern. They deliver within the scheduled delivery window. Products are high-quality. And, products are largely correct. I rarely have to spend my time with customer service trying to get a refund, which is different from other services I’ve tried.

    An Unexpected Benefit: Prices

    I hadn’t realized how many low-cost items Amazon Fresh has. If you’re buying national brand items, they’re often lower in cost than at other stores. If you’re able to find the product in Amazon Brand (such as Happy Belly, Amazon Saver, and any of their other in-house brands), it’s sure to be high-quality and low in price. 

    Tomato soup is high in potassium, a source of vegetables, and very affordable at Amazon Fresh.

    For the best deals, check in often! Prices can vary widely from day to day. And, they’re not always advertised in the sales flyer. 

    In the past week, I’ve found these deals. 

    For more savings, I use my Amazon credit card through Chase. It gives me 5% cash back on Amazon purchases. 

    Not a Fan of Tips

    Amazon Fresh asks you to tip. Of course I do it. I understand that it’s how the delivery drivers make a higher wage. But I don’t like the concept of tipping. I would much prefer to be charged a price that includes the driver’s wage and doesn’t require a discretionary tip. 

    When I use Walmart Plus InHome, I don’t have to pay a tip. That’s because I pay an extra annual fee for the InHome service compared to standard Walmart Plus. It makes my shopping and calculations easier.

    I also don’t like how Amazon Fresh inputs a default tip amount of $5. That’s 20% for a $25 order or 5% for a $100 order. Does that make any sense?!

    I do like that you can edit the tip for up to 24 hours after the order has been delivered. 

    Items Are Out of Stock

    Amazon Fresh items are constantly playing musical chairs. They’re in stock, out of stock, and in stock again. It makes it hard to plan ahead. Sometimes I place an order even though one or more of the items I wanted aren’t in stock. 

    Sometimes they’ll come back into stock at great prices, and I’ll feel pressured to place an order quickly before they go out of stock, but I don’t need $25 worth of items. It’s a theme I’ve also noticed when physically shopping in Amazon Fresh stores; it’s rare that I come away with every item on my list, even when my list only includes items in the weekly sales flyer. 

    Bottom Line: Love It, But Won’t Renew

    I have been enjoying the Amazon Fresh delivery service. I’ve been getting items like watermelon that are otherwise difficult for me to bring home. Many foods have been inexpensive. And, it’s been easier for me to purchase frozen items.

    Thankfully, I’m in a position where I don’t have to renew the service (and pay for it). I am lucky enough to get what I need from Walmart and stores within walking distance – including Amazon Fresh! We have one less than a mile from our home. 

    Interestingly, it seems as though Amazon is increasing the selection of groceries, including some produce and frozen goods, that it makes available through its “same day delivery” service for orders over $25. I am excited to see how that plays out. 

    How do you do your grocery shopping? Where do you shop? Do you drive, walk, or use delivery services? Which stores do you shop? 

  • Peanut Butter Adventures, Episode 1

    Here’s the first installment of my adventures with peanut butter. Sure, I have a growing boy at home, but there’s more to the story. I’ve been making peanut butter sandwiches for a local food pantry for a year. Now, I’m going to hand out jars of peanut butter when I see a need on the streets. Hope you love the adventure! 

    For now, let’s just talk about peanut butter. Next time, we’ll get into some adventures. 

    Peanut Butter as an American Institution

    Peanut butter is one of the best all-around foods. It’s convenient, inexpensive, nutritious, and delicious. Those reasons are probably why peanut butter sandwiches are the most popular plant-based sandwiches in the US according to USDA data. (If you’re curious, the popularity of cold cut sandwiches, burgers, and hot dogs outweighs the popularity of peanut butter sandwiches). 

    How Much Peanut Butter Are We Talking About?

    Americans consume an average of 4.4 pounds of peanut butter per year. That’s more than 60 2-tablespoon servings, or 4.5 16-ounce jars. For a family of four that consumes the average amount, that comes out to 18 jars of peanut butter per year, or about 1 jar every 3 weeks. 

    If you’re a peanut butter-loving household, I bet you have far more than that! Schoolchildren could easily eat 5 peanut butter sandwiches a week for the duration of the school year, or about 35 weeks. That adds up to 105 sandwiches, or more than 7 jars of peanut butter. That’s before adding in snacks and PB sandwiches on vacation! 

    How Much Peanut Butter in Peanut Butter Adventures?

    My household goes through far more than 18 jars of peanut butter a year. My son eats some, but not that much (and to be fair, a lot of his peanut butter consumption is at breakfast at my parents’ house!). 

    I estimate we go through 150 jars a year! That’s because I make sandwiches every week for a local food pantry. I use 3 jars most weeks, or enough for 30-40 sandwiches. I’m definitely doing my part to support the peanut butter industry! 

    Now, I’ve started carrying around a jar of peanut butter to give away to people who seem to need it. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people in my neighborhood who are grateful for something that is so affordable to me. 

    How to Make Peanut Butter

    Peanut butter is magical to me. Just put peanuts in a blender, and puree them until they turn into thick, sticky peanut butter. For a more spreadable texture, add 1-2 spoonfuls of oil. For flavor, add salt. It’s so simple!

    Peanut butter that you buy in stores can range from 100% peanuts to having ingredients like sugar, salt, and solid fats from hydrogenated soybean oil or tropical oils like palm oil. You’ll pay for the privilege of having natural, organic peanut butter with nothing but peanuts, but if you look around, there can be compromises, like peanut butter without hydrogenated oils. 

    Of course, there are all kinds of variations on peanut butter. Flavors of peanut butter include cinnamon, cocoa, and white chocolate. For decades, there’ve been jars of peanut butter and jelly stripes to make sandwich-making easier. 

    A Convenient and Nutritious Food

    Peanut butter needs no refrigeration. It’s ready to eat. It’s cholesterol-free, low in saturated fat, and high in healthy monounsaturated fats. It’s a source of plant-based protein, and it has dietary fiber. At about $2 per 16-ounce jar for a store brand of peanut butter, it’s remarkably inexpensive. I’ll go into cost comparisons with other foods in another post. 

    Healthy Ways to Use Peanut Butter

    A peanut butter sandwich on whole-grain sliced bread is one healthy choice for peanut butter. Here are a few variations on classic PB sandwiches. 

    Peanut butter on whole-grain bread has fiber and antioxidants.
    • Peanut butter on whole-grain tortilla or wrap, wrapped around a banana
    • Diced stewed (or microwaved) apple or pear with cinnamon on PB and whole-grain bread or toast
    • Peanut butter on half a whole-grain bagel, with pear slices

    Peanut butter is good for way more than sandwiches. 

    • Dip celery, carrots, apple slices, or pear slices into peanut butter.
    • Blend frozen banana chunks with peanut butter and cinnamon, cocoa powder, or voila extract.
    • Thin out creamy peanut butter to make a sauce for an Asian-inspired dish with whole-grain spaghetti
    • Add peanut butter to oatmeal or whole-wheat pancake batter, or top whole-grain pancakes or waffles with peanut butter instead of butter.
    • Top oatmeal, yogurt, or cottage cheese with peanut butter and fruit.

    For a healthier dessert, stuff dates with peanut butter – just watch the calories, since they add up fast!

    More Ways to Enjoy Peanut Butter

    If you’re looking for a treat without worrying about nutrition, there are any number of ways to enjoy peanut butter. 

    • Classic PB&J sandwich with white bread, peanut butter, and grape or strawberry jelly. Honey is another option.
    Peanut butter and jelly on white bread may be a happy memory from childhood for many people.
    • Peanut butter cookies or peanut butter oatmeal cookies. 
    • Peanut butter bars and peanut butter cheesecake.
    • Peanut butter frosted brownies or cake.
    • Energy balls with peanut butter, oats, sugar, honey, or powdered sugar, and cocoa powder. 
    • Peanut butter-filled pretzels
    • Peanut butter milkshakes and smoothies with added sugars.
    • Peanut butter pie, with or without whipped topping blended in or on top, and on a chocolate, graham cracker, or standard pie crust

    I’m excited to keep using peanut butter and giving it away. I’ll keep you posted on how my peanut butter adventures go!

    How do you use peanut butter?

  • Accept What Children Say About Their Hunger

    There are times when my son says he’s hungry, and it doesn’t seem possible. This might happen after he’s already eaten a lot that day or at that meal. It also tends to happen when he knows there’s a treat around, such as if we’re at an event where food is sold or provided.

    Keep reading to find out how I respond to it. As with everything else in parenting and most things in life, I never know if I’m approaching it in the best way. Please post your suggestions and ideas in the comments!

    Avoiding Conflict for Health’s Sake

    My first thought is that he can’t possibly be hungry. My instinct is to say so, and explain why I believe that he’s not really hungry. I suppress my instinct because I don’t think it’s the right answer to directly disagree with him. 

    If I tell him he’s not hungry, I’m:

    • Telling him that I don’t believe him. That’s not how I want our relationship to work; I want him to know that I’m here for him for anything.
    • Suggesting that he shouldn’t listen to what his body is telling him. That’s an unhealthy route, since listening carefully to your body, and responding appropriately, can lead to better lifestyle choices and health. 

    I try not to disagree with him. Instead, I try to figure out why he says he’s hungry, and address it appropriately. Here are some patterns that I’ve detected, and how I respond to each. 

    Hungry for Nutrients

    I start by assuming that it’s as simple as it appears: that my son is hungry. For some reason, there are days when he just needs more food. Maybe it’s a growth spurt. Maybe he’s been active. Maybe he hadn’t eaten enough in the past few days. 

    To see if that’s the case, I offer him healthy foods. They’re foods he likes, but not as much as something like shaved ice or cupcakes. Tomatoes, a tangerine or orange, or a low-fat string cheese stick are likely options. 

    Grape tomatoes can be a perfect stall tactic and way to satisfy hunger.

    A Craving Triggered By Availability

    Environmental triggers can cause cravings, perceived hunger, and snack attacks in kids just like in adults. My son tends to “be hungry” when he wants a bag of chips at a birthday party or notices an ice cream truck at the park.

    How could a child not feel “hungry” when they’re at a party and see cupcakes like these?

    I’m generally good at identifying these triggers, but managing them is another story. I tend to say yes at birthday parties or other events where his friends are eating those foods. The goal is to prevent him from feeling different from his friends or feeling deprived. I also want him to know that those foods are available to him; he doesn’t have to sneak them and not tell me. 

    At other times, it depends on the situation. If he’s had a lot of junk recently and it seems like overkill, the answer is no. Sometimes the “no” will come with a “maybe next time” or, “let’s buy something similar at a store.” That’s a common one for ice cream truck fare; I’d rather pay $3 for a box of frozen novelties than $4 for one serving.

    If it seems reasonable, it can be his daily serving of junk food, which he mostly gets to choose. Sometimes he offers to pay for it; in those cases, I usually say yes. That gives him control over his money and decisions, and avoids a tantrum (are you seeing a pattern here?).

    Ice cream bars from a truck can be more fun, but are they always worth it?

    Maybe He’s Just Trying His Luck…

    Sometimes, it seems like he just needs something to do, wants attention, or is just curious about what he can get away with. It often seems as though he wants me to say no just so that he can fight it or feel comfortable knowing that there are rules.

    It can be impossible to say no to a cute child!

    So, the first response is an offer of a healthy snack and water. Then I try to distract his attention. If I don’t have much time, such as while I am working and can’t give him my full attention, I try to satisfy him with a snack, say, a bowl of watermelon or a container of grape tomatoes. He’s also easily amused by pouring beverages over ice cubes. Thankfully, he often manages to get involved in an activity by the time he’s done eating or playing with his food or drink.

    Water Can Never Hurt

    I also offer him water. Adults often mistake thirst for hunger, so children might, too. Even if not, it can’t be a bad habit to drink water throughout the day. So, I try to offer water routinely in response to unexpected hunger. 

    What If Kids Aren’t Hungry?

    I’ve seen parents pressure their children to eat when they say they’re not hungry. Parents often seem to be terrified that their children don’t eat enough, but in most cases, it doesn’t seem healthy to me to force children to eat. 

    I worry about these effects. 

    • The child ends up with junk food in that moment because the parent has decided that they need to eat anything to avoid starving.
    • The child learns that their parents are so desperate for them to eat, that they can hold out for junk food all the time. 
    • As with telling a child that he’s not hungry even if he says is, arguing that they’re hungry when they say they’re not encourages them to ignore their body’s signals. 
    • Similarly, arguing with them plants the seed that you don’t believe them.

    Very few children in the US are at risk of starvation. If you believe your child is, it’s critical that you take them to a qualified healthcare provider for evaluation and treatment. 

    Here are some tips for parents who are convinced their children are in need of food when they say they’re not hungry. 

    • Have set meal times. That way, you can eat with them and encourage them to eat. Sitting at the table also reduces the chances of kids being distracted and playing games. 
    • Keep the food healthy. Serve healthy food, and eat healthy food yourself. That makes healthy food something normal rather than a punishment or chore. 
    • Don’t start a food fight. It’s as bad to fight over forcing them to eat than over stopping them from eating treats. 
    • Consider asking a healthcare provider about any deficiencies. Often, a daily multivitamin and mineral supplement can calm a parent’s nerves. 
    • If it makes you feel better, consider offering a protein shake or meal replacement shake that’s fortified with nutrients and has fiber. A glass of milk does well, too, for protein and calcium. 

    Hunger management is tough for everyone. Kids usually have a better handle on their hunger than adults, but they can have trouble expressing themselves. With their dear parents, they can also be manipulative or have underlying goals. 

    How do you respond to, “I’m hungry,” when you’re not sure if it’s true?

  • What’s the Right Answer When Parenting? I Never Know Until It’s Too Late

    Every child is an experiment of one. You’d think that would at least mean that after weeks and months and years, you’d get to know your child. You’d think wrong, at least in my case. 

    It seems as though I’m slow on the learn-to-parent spectrum. Every situation feels like a toss-up to me. 

    Take July 4, for example. In a previous post, I explained that my son and I had a lovely time at the July 4 block party and potluck in our neighborhood. Now I’ll explain why I bought my son a doughnut before a potluck, why I made the decision, and whether it was the right one. 

    Spoiler alert: Probably not.

    Setting the Scene

    For days, my son and I had been fighting. Actually, it had been months, but it was more intense that week. It’s not unusual; I think he’s so well-behaved at school and with other people that he needs to balance it with some meltdowns in a comfortable setting. Since I’m his only parent, I get the full force of his anger.

    That morning, there was a July 4 event at the local park. It’s casual, and includes watermelon, doughnuts, and corn dogs from the local Homeowners Association. Community police also come and let kids climb into their cars.

    After a rough week, I didn’t have it in me to force my son to get ready to go. I have that battle with him every morning to get out the door, and every evening to get ready for bed. I didn’t want to force him to get ready for a party, so I told him to let me know when he was ready to go.

    The Party Was Over

    We left our home at 12:30 p.m. Needless to say, the park was all but deserted. We probably missed the end of the event by over an hour. 

    My son started saying that he’s a failure and can’t get anywhere on time. When he thinks he’s failed, my son tends to build himself into a state. Failure becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. I couldn’t face another few hours of unpleasant behavior if I didn’t have to, so I did what any responsible parent would do: I offered to buy him a doughnut.

    Rising to the Occasion?

    I wasn’t worried about teaching my son that tantrums lead to doughnuts. He’s a great kid to everyone else, so I know that he’s going to turn out fine. Since I wasn’t worried about long-term repercussions, and I’d already had in my head that he was going to eat a doughnut that morning, so nutrition wasn’t a top concern, I became selfish at that moment. The offer of the doughnut was a Hail Mary, hoping it would buy me some nice moments. 

    I told him that it was fine that he missed the party, and he was happy doing whatever he’d been doing in our home instead of going to the party. I told him that if he needed that time to relax instead of going to the park, it was good he’d taken it. And, I told him that we could go get a red, white, and blue star-sprinkled doughnut. 

    Got What I Wanted

    Shockingly, it worked. He instantly smiled, got excited, and offered to pay for the doughnut. We discussed the possibilities en route to the doughnut shop, and planned when and where we were going to eat it. He even said he was going to buy it for me!

    As a bonus, going to get a doughnut meant we had to walk to the doughnut shop. That meant I got to take a longer walk than if we had just gone to the park and back. 

    The victory continued after we got home with the doughnut. My son got out a tray to serve it on, a knife, and two forks. He offered drinks, and we sat and ate the doughnut together. It was exactly what I wanted after a tough week. 

    Benefits of Healthy Food

    I’m a nutritionist. I believe in healthy eating. Compared to less healthy choices, I know that more nutritious and portion-controlled choices can:

    • Improve mood
    • Maintain energy and blood sugar
    • Reduce hunger
    • Increase ability to focus and think

    And that’s within a few minutes! Long-term, healthy eating helps with: 

    • Weight control
    • Chronic disease prevention and management
    • Reduction of stress and stress hormones
    • Promotion of strong bones and muscles
    • Nourish you

    Junk food does the opposite. 

    When Junk Food Can Be the Answer

    Knowing that healthy food has so many benefits, why would junk food ever be the “right” choice? For most of us, there’s a place for fried foods, fatty foods, sugary foods, and starchy foods. It’s not a place we should visit often, but there are times when the benefits may outweigh the drawbacks. 

    In this case, the doughnut wasn’t for physical nourishment. Neither my son nor I needed a ring of fried refined doughy carbs topped with sugary frosting. What I did need was some pleasant time together. The doughnut let me buy some beautiful time with my son, and even allowed him the chance to feel good about himself by serving us the doughnut when we got home. 

    There’s also the warning that it’s only okay to eat foods that your body can handle. If you have a chronic condition that prohibits certain foods, for example, or if your doctor tells you to avoid certain items, then stay within these restrictions!

    Set Up for Success

    My son and I both do better when we feel good about ourselves. We both do worse when we feel bad. As it turned out on July 4, he rose to the occasion and seized an opportunity to feel good about himself. He clearly felt good about being kind to me, taking charge of serving the doughnut, and acting pleasant while we ate. 

    What would you have done? Are there times when a bribe is okay? When is junk food an acceptable option compared to nutritious items? 

  • Does “Dairy-Free” Mean Healthy? Is It Better for Weight Loss?

    When I talk to people who are trying to lose weight or eat healthier, they often tell me they’re choosing dairy-free options like coconut milk, almond yogurt, or cashew cheese. They’re often shocked to find out that these options often don’t help them reach their protein goals, and may not even have fewer calories or more nutrients than dairy products. 

    Are you choosing dairy-free alternatives to cow’s milk, cheese, and yogurt? Think about these. 

    • Almond or oat milk at coffee shops instead of milk or cream
    • Almond or soy-based yogurt 
    • Cashew-containing cheese alternatives

    These options are now available in grocery stores, at coffee shops, and at schools as they become more popular compared to dairy products. But are dairy-free alternatives always the healthiest choice? 

    Non-Dairy Products May Lack Protein

    When you think of nutrients in milk, cheese, and yogurt, you might think of protein. Milk and yogurt each have about 8 grams of protein per cup, while cheese has about 6-7 grams of protein per ounce. This is about the amount in an egg. Greek yogurt can have 15-20 grams of protein per cup, or the amount in 2-3 ounces of fish or chicken.

    Check the label instead of assuming dairy-free cheese has calcium and protein!

    Protein is an essential nutrient that helps you stay full for longer after a meal or snack, but it’s often lacking in plant-based dairy alternatives. Soy milk has a good amount of protein, but a cup of almond milk has only 1-2 grams. Even something that sounds healthy, like cashew cheese, has less than 1 gram of protein per ounce, despite a price tag that’s about 3-4 times as expensive as dairy-based cheese.

    Watch Out for Calcium and Bone Health

    Dairy products are still the major source of calcium in our diets. People who avoid dairy products are more likely to be low in calcium, leading to osteoporosis and a higher risk for fractures later in life. A serving of dairy products, whether a cup of milk or yogurt, or an ounce of cheese, often has 15-30% of the daily value for calcium. In addition, it’s highly absorbable.

    Dairy-free alternatives are often fortified with calcium, but not always. It’s a good idea to read the label when you’re choosing a product. While you’re reading the nutrition facts panel, look for items with 10-30% of vitamin D. It helps your body absorb and use calcium so your bones get full benefit.

    Benefits of Non-Dairy Alternatives

    Non-dairy alternatives can have some health benefits. Many of them are designed to support people on vegan, or plant-based, diets. For that reason, they’re often high in vitamin B12, which is only naturally found in animal-based products. 

    In addition, unsweetened almond milk and unsweetened coconut milk have 30-40 calories per cup, which is less than half the amount as in 1 cup of fat-free milk. Plant-based milks are naturally cholesterol-free, unlike cow’s milk. 

    Many people enjoy non-dairy alternatives more. They can be creamier or sweeter. They can also have a longer shelf life, which is important for people living alone or who only take milk in their cereal or coffee, for example. 

    What’s the Right Choice for Health and Weight Loss?

    It’s important to make the right choice for yourself. Consider factors like the following.

    • Do I need more protein for health and to feel fuller?
    • How much calcium is there?
    • Are there extra ingredients that I don’t want?
    • What other nutrients have been added?
    • Can I afford it?

    The bottom line is to know your reasons for choosing dairy products or dairy-free alternatives. Check nutrition facts panels and the list of ingredients for calories, nutrients, and ingredients you’re curious about. Whenever you’re unsure, ask your healthcare provider. It’s always good to get trusted and professional advice!

    Oat and almond milk can be low-calorie alternatives to creamer, which can be helpful for weight loss and heart health.

  • What Everyone Wants to Know: What was at the July 4 Potluck?

    I posted my reflections from the Fourth, talking about balancing healthy food and activity choices with the just-as-critical need for socialization, fun, and relaxation that can recharge you for the coming weeks and months. Today, let’s keep it light-hearted with a run-down of the food and beverages at the potluck I attended. 

    It was an afternoon block party with 100’s of attendees from the neighborhood. The hosts asked attendees to bring something to share. Unlike at many potlucks, there were no guidelines on what to bring, or who should bring items in various categories like beverages, appetizers, proteins, sides, desserts, condiments, and tableware. We did all know that there was a grill, and that it was a casual event.

    Spoiler alert: it worked out beautifully!

    Setting the Scene

    When my son and I arrived, we went straight to the food tables to drop off our contributions. As I had asked my mom to bake and bring a dessert, my son and I felt free to be lazy. We brought a package of napkins, a bottle of light ranch salad dressing, a bottle of honey mustard, and a can of whipped topping. There turned out to be a large bowl of fruit including berries, grapes, and tangerines, making the whipped topping look ideal. 

    There were 4 long tables with food and tableware, about 6 coolers filled with alcoholic and kid-friendly beverages, and a table with ice and more beverages. The tables were vaguely organized with plates, napkins, and plastic ware first, followed by items related to grilled foods, followed by sides, desserts, and finally beverages. It was all refreshingly casual and hands-off – you were free to put your food down and take whatever you wanted whenever you wanted.

    The Food at the Fourth of July Block Party and Potluck

    So what was there? Pretty much everything was there. People had brought raw proteins, including hot dogs, beef burger patties, and even salmon. There were also pans of cooked proteins, including pigs in blankets and chicken drumsticks. Hot dog, hamburger, and brioche buns were abundant, as were condiments from ketchup, pickles, and relish to several different types of mustard. Our honey mustard fit right in.

    There were more meatballs than you might see at a typical event, probably because the day’s cookoff item was meatballs. Merguez meatballs with a side of cooked carrots, meatballs with tomato sauce, and meatballs with pickles were a few varieties. They all looked delicious, suitable for a contest, and made with a good amount of fatty beef or pork. 

    Next up were side dishes. It looked like a lot of people put their hearts into their homemade recipes. Salad examples were salmon and pea rotini salad, spaghetti salad, tomato balsamic salad with mushrooms, chopped basil, and mozzarella balls, and a few kinds of coleslaw, none of which contained mayonnaise. There were also various 7-layer bean dips.

    There was even a simple vegetable tray that had home-cut vegetables, which is a rare sight these days. It had red and yellow bell pepper strips, rainbow baby carrots, Persian cucumber spears, and celery sticks. I helped myself to quite a bit, and enjoyed the honey mustard I’d brought with the vegetables. 

    Desserts included two beautiful pumpkin loaves from my mom, sliced into appropriately-sized pieces. One loaf had a chocolate swirl topping. Other desserts were cheesecake bars topped with berries, watermelon wedges, and brownies.

    The beverage selection was quite a treat! There was alcohol of all descriptions. There was homemade lemonade – a 5-gallon container that must have taken forever for someone to make – as well as a 5-gallon pitcher of ice water infused with strawberries and mint. Cans of sparkling water, ouches of juice drinks, and sodas were also there, along with plenty of ice. 

    My son and I weren’t the only ones to bring store-bought items. The other store-bought items that we saw had also been chosen carefully and given with love. Classic mayo-laden potato salad, sliced cheese for the burgers, bags of potato chips, tubs of hummus and guacamole, large chocolate chunk cookies, boxes of doughnuts, and red, white, and blue star cookies are a few examples. 

    How Anyone Can Make Healthy Choices

    Here’s what I focused on, though I probably still ate more than I needed.

    • Raw vegetables. They were so fresh and good!
    • Pickles. I don’t usually buy pickles because I don’t need the extra sodium, but I do love pickles. 
    • Tomatoes and mozzarella balls sitting in balsamic vinaigrette. They were halved grape tomatoes, and absolutely delicious.
    • A few goodies from my son’s plate. Isn’t that what kids are for? I think we all know that when you eat from your child’s plate, the calories, sugar, and fat don’t count…
    • Strawberry and mint-infused ice water was a beautiful, refreshing, and healthy touch.

    What Do Americans Eat on July Fourth?

    I can only tell you my experience, but it is a sample size of hundreds of families. Here’s what I found.

    • Burgers and hot dogs with all the fixings
    • Coleslaw, pasta salad, and potato salad
    • Watermelon and other fresh fruit
    • Sugary drinks, alcoholic drinks, and low-calorie drinks
    • Desserts, and more desserts
    • Chips, vegetables, and dip

    Conclusions: as with most other situations, you can eat healthy, eat terribly, or do something in between. 

    What did you eat this Independence Day?

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