Most parents will tell you that raising children is tough. I’m no different, though I was determined not to be one of the complainers. I was also determined not to play the “single parent” card. I still try not to play it too much, but the truth is that parenting is hard, and single parenting is harder.
Regardless, what is also true of parenting, and likely more so of single parenting, is that there are always people stepping in to help. There are so many ways to help, and people do. Neighbors, other parents, friends, and perfect strangers have always emerged to help. I am grateful.
Is It Okay to Accept Help?
My parents never accepted help when they were raising me and my sister. They didn’t think it was fair to ask anyone to watch us, except for an occasional paid babysitter. Maybe it was because they were from a different generation, or maybe it is because they were more competent parents than I am.
I have no problem asking for, and accepting, help. In return, I give help when I can. It seems natural for everyone to do what they can; it makes everyone’s lives easier.
Other Parents Stepping In
I’ll pick up another parent’s child and take them to the park when it works out, or I’m happy to wait at school for a few minutes if the parent is running late or needs to run inside to talk to the child’s teacher alone. In return, I’m happy to ask for help when it seems easy for another parent to give, and when I need it. We’re all in this together.
The Kindness of Strangers
Since my son was young, I’ve noticed that it would be helpful for me to have four hands, three times as much patience, and twice as much strength as I do. One time when he was about three years old, we were walking into the library. He decided he didn’t want to go anymore, and let me know that by throwing a loud tantrum.
While he was screaming, I took him outside and tried to calm him down. As usual, I failed miserably. After a few minutes, a librarian came out with a smile and a bookmark. She tried to distract him by showing it to him and reading it to him. She didn’t have to, but that’s the kind of kind act that I’ve received from people since my son was born.
People are almost always ready to help. Homeowners may smile instead of yell when my son walks on their property. Other passengers boarding a bus may hold my bags while I load my son’s bike onto the front rack. A grocery store checkout clerk smiled and calmly offered to put my groceries back on the store shelves when we had to leave before checking out due to a tantrum. A boy’s father at the park pitched my son a few baseballs for his first batting experience. These all help.
Neighborly Advice and a Hug
Evenings can feel lonely. They’re the time when I’m tired and my son’s tired. We’re both at our worst of the day. He can get upset over homework, brushing teeth, and my general existence. I can get upset over homework, brushing teeth, and not having finished my work. I can’t call my parents because they’re in bed already (they’re usually in a different time zone).
Every so often, it gets physically scary in our condo unit. He may throw a tantrum or throw things. If it seems safe, I step outside. Every so often, I bump into one of our neighbors, a single parent whose son is in college now. She understands completely, and always takes the time to give me a hug, some encouragement, and some friendly words. Since she’s been in my shoes, she must know how much it means to me.
Help from Old Gym Friends
I have several friends that are on my call list. I talked about my gym friends in a recent post. Some are parents; others aren’t. They’re all willing to pick up the phone and give advice or just listen. As I mentioned before, they’re among the most kind, accepting people I know. Though I haven’t asked for several years, I know that many of them would be willing to watch my son for me or go out with us if needed.
Any Help Line I Can Find
When I’m desperate and just need to talk to a friendly person, I can call a free helpline. 988, the mental health crisis line, is available 24/7 Since I’m usually crying when I call, they’re at least helpful in getting me to calm down a bit. I appreciate that they answer the phone every time, and that I’ve never had to wait more than a couple minutes on hold.
The drawback is that they themselves don’t offer much practical advice. They seem to be more of a service to direct you to other services. In my case, most of the referrals have been irrelevant (e.g., for abused children) or impractical (e.g., a private practice located 50 miles away from our home). Still, a kind, caring voice is welcome when I’m upset and feeling alone.
Big Brother Big Sister Program
One volunteer who has given my son, and therefore me, hours and hours of kindness is his Big Brother. It’s a mentorship program in which the Big takes the Little (my son) on an outing once or twice a month. They can go to parks, out to eat, to museums, to local attractions, or anything else. My son and I have lucked out with his Big – he has a kind heart, he’s interested in everything, and he makes the outings so exciting for my son.
/
For me, it’s something to look forward to. Those few hours of alone time on a weekend are precious and valuable. I can relax, let my guard down, take a walk, get work done, or do whatever else I want with that time. The anticipation of that time is wonderful, too.
As you can see, lots of people help without asking for anything in return. There’s no guilt-tripping. It’s just pure kindness. I am grateful.
Who helps you out? How do you give back?
Leave a Reply